Sofie Giggles

There's a lot to smile about at our house!

Four Months

Little Worm you are four months (and one day!) old, and you are really not so little anymore. This month has just flown by, and it scares me how fast time goes by and how quickly you change. Every little milestone is so exciting, but some days I just wish I could make the time stand still and burn your sweetness into my memory.

This has been my first month back to work full-time, and it is both fulfilling and heartbreaking. I feel like I've entered a second "stage" in our lives together. Those first few months, ripe with meeting you and learning your habits, spending every moment of my day with you, have necessarily ended. I feel slightly detached now, and it saddens me. I want so much to be your everything. Sometimes I cry on Sunday nights because our quality weekend time is coming to an end. I know that grandma will soon be sweeping in and taking over, and I don't want to let go. I could never be keeping up with this crazy schedule without her help, but it is the hardest thing in the world for me to let someone else be there for you because I can't. Six more months...the countdown has begun!

This Christmas-time was hard for me too. I didn't have time to bake cookies or think of thoughtful gifts. I couldn't even make some of the handmade things I had planned for. Christmas came, feeling like little more than just another day for me, and then it was gone. I always want Christmas to feel special, but I was especially sorry that my memories of this Christmas, your very first Christmas, were marred by too little time and too much stress. I'm so glad that you don't know yet Worm. Next year will be better.

Despite my emotional leanings this month, you have been an absolute ray of sunshine. You are always delightful, easygoing and quick to smile. You really only cry when you're hungry, and hardly protest even when we drag you around past your bedtime. You play by yourself beautifully, grasping your toys and pulling them towards yourself, always in a quest to pop them into your mouth for a taste. You can hang on to a rattle now, and you wave it around haphazardly, often bonking yourself in the face. You're enjoying tummy time more and more lately, and you grunt and concentrate on trying to pull your knees up under your bottom. It'll be awhile before you're successful at it, but the intention is definitely there. You've recently found your feet and you pull your toes up into your mouth and roll from your back to your side, feet in hand. You're getting better and better at popping your thumb in your mouth too, though you're not so sure that you like the taste of it once it's there.

You are smitten with your daddy, and you've been giggling at him regularly for weeks. He held the honor of being the only one who could make you laugh for quite awhile until very recently when you've finally let me in on the fun a few times. You watch him intently, often focused on him even when he isn't paying attention to you. It's as if you know you're his spitting image and you're observing him so you can model your actions after his.

You are such an amazing little creature, Worm. I'm not sure what I did to deserve a baby girl as wonderful as you are, but it must've been something really really great.

The State of My Weight

Our old scale broke about a month ago. I just bought a new one today, and granted I only paid 6 bucks for it and I'm not sure if that bodes well for it's accuracy, but it just told me I only have 8 more pounds to lose before I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Woohoo!

Filler

My wall calendar says it's the 20th, my advent calendar says it's the 12th...I have so much to write about...hoping for some time this weekend!

Update

Hello Internet!
I don't have much time to post, but seeing as I have effectively freaked everyone out, I thought I'd take a minute and let you know that all is (tentatively) well at the Otto house. Sofie is doing just fine. Although we're still unsure what caused Sofie's malady, the medical establishment's best guess is that something irritated her stomach. There's some thought that it might be a milk allergy and I've been asked to cut milk from my diet. Do you have any idea how many things have milk in them?!! But of course, my bean is worth the hassle. Thanks for everyone's kind thoughts...we're happy to be home and healthy!

Drama

We took Sofie to the ER on Sunday night spitting up blood. We came home this evening after two nights in the hospital spent trying to decipher what could be wrong. We're still not sure, but we are pretty sure that it isn't something extremely serious or life threatening. Sofie was her happy, busy self through the whole ordeal. I have a whole new level of empathy for families spending extended time in the hospital and a new appreciation for my warm bed and the warm little body lying next to me in it. I'll update as we learn more!

Baby Blue Eyes

Celebration!!

Above are the remains of a little celebration which occurred at our house tonight. Around noon today Ben accepted a really great job in his field! We are so thrilled, and we couldn't have asked for a more amazing Christmas gift!

Chatty Sofie

My kid, she loves to talk...



...and just in case you weren't convinced...

Three Months

My sweet girl you are three months old today! This morning I took you in for your three month pictures and a stroll around the mall. You are such a good baby. You hang out in your stroller and take in all the sights, coo and smile when people stop to talk to you, and rarely make a grump. Sofie, you'd better get a lot less fun to hang out with if you're interested in being an only child for long.

This month has been big for you. It seems like every time I turn around you're trying your hand at something new. You are getting so strong, and your body is no longer a flailing mass. Now it is under your control, an extension of you, and you're delighted to shove your hand in my mouth for some kisses, or pull your toys down from your activity bar. You interact with us beautifully. One of your favorite things to do is to blow raspberries at us and wait for us to blow them back. When you were first learning how you would work so hard to get your tongue to go where you wanted it, then work so hard to get some air to come out (sometimes it would come out your nose!) and then when you finally got it right you'd light up with your accomplishment. You also love it when papa blows raspberries on you. You are closest to laughing when he gets your belly, cheeks, and chubby thighs. You were teasing us weeks ago with your first little chuckle, and we've been anxiously unsuccessful at squeezing more out of you ever since.

This month you've also learned to languish in your stretches, and you arch your little back and throw your little arms straight up over your head gleefully. When we change your diaper your little legs stiffen straight out and you grunt as if you've been waiting all day for a chance to do just that.

I spend a lot of time imagining what you'll look like with hair and teeth, what kinds of questions you'll bowl me over with, and what types of interests you'll develop in your lifetime. I'm so grateful that I get to play a key role in your happy childhood memories. I don't know how much your little three month being can understand, but when you're nursing and you look up at me with your eyes sparkling and we both can't keep from grinning, I believe you can feel just how much I love you. I hope that even when you're making me walk six feet behind you at the mall, you'll know that I'm still grinning and I still love you.

For Sentimentality's Sake

This morning as I was clearing Sofie's closet and dresser of the clothes that she's already outgrown in her short little life, I realized that she had never worn one very special sleeper. It's a sleeper that was worn by her Aunt Janna, her Daddy, and her Uncle Kyle, and more recently by her cousins Lillian and Clayton. Now, I am a sucker for traditions, and because I would like to continue that tradition, and hopefully pass the sleeper along to future generations, I decided to see if it would still fit. Thank goodness I found it today! I'm pretty sure another week or so and it would have been outgrown as well.

...and just in case you can't tell how much our worm has grown, here is a shameless display of her tubby belly and her thunder thighs!

We love you twinkle toes...

Teething?

Maybe I'm crazy, but I think Sofie might be showing some early signs of teething. She's been rather cranky lately, sucking on her fists a lot, constantly wants to nurse, and she's been blowing spit bubbles. It's especially cute when we blow raspberries at her and she makes her spit bubbles back at us. Yesterday I popped my finger in her mouth to feel around her gums and she grinned and grinned at me. I assume it felt good...I guess we'll have to wait and see.

There's not much new or exciting going on around these parts lately. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone at Thanksgiving and dreading going back to work full-time. I'm working on finding a good place to chop off all my hair. I think maybe "mom hair" will help me shave some precious time off the morning routine. Getting up at 4:30 is getting old!

As Promised...

The grunts crack me up.

Rolling over is hard work when you're just a little bean!

Christmas Challenge

Unbelievably, Christmas is right around the corner once again. Money is tight at our house, as always, so I've been brainstorming some ways that we can keep Christmas affordable, yet still make it fun. This year we've come up with a "Christmas Challenge"; to gather the money for Christmas entirely from things we already have around the house. This means selling some things that we're not using anymore on Ebay, raiding the change jug in the laundry room, and scraping together credit left-over on gift cards. I have no idea how much cash we'll actually be able to come up with, but I'm estimating we'll be working with about a $15.00 per person spending limit. I've always loved a good challenge, and I'm actually pretty excited about this one, but I need some help from all of your "great brains." I'm working on coming up with a good list of ideas for frugal, yet much appreciated, Christmas gifts. Following are some of my favorites so far...please please please help me out with some of yours!

Holiday Themed Gifts (a beautiful ornament, a great holiday CD...)
Gift Cards (Caribou/Starbucks, Borders, movie theater, lottery...)
Tickets (...I'm not sure what you can get tickets to for $15.00, but I've always loved "experience" type gifts...)
Little Luxuries (A bottle of wine, L.A. Burdick's chocolates...)
Reading Material (Magazine subsription, great book...)

I'll probably add to this list as I think of more goodies...check back if you're interested!

Frustrated

For about a week now I've been looking for something that Sofie and I could get involved in together. I've scoured the Internet for infant story hours, exercise groups, and playgroups, and I'm really feeling a bit angry. It's not that I haven't found anything...there are plenty of activities for moms and their little ones to be a part of. The problem is that they all meet at hours that are clearly geared towards stay-at-home parents. I hate the message that this is perpetuating. It's as if, just because I am a working mom, I don't have the desire for my child to have enriching activities in her life. That somehow I must not need the support that comes from interacting with other parents. Disgusting.

If anyone knows of an activity or group that is not exclusive to the stay-at-home crowd, I would be so grateful if you would share the information with me. Otherwise, I'll set to work on getting the ball rolling myself...who knows, maybe this is how I'll make my millions!

Mobile

It must be the week for firsts! The worm is now officially mobile. Video soon!

Guess who...

...is on the verge of letting out a belly laugh!!! One little chuckle escaped her impish little body today. I am just beside myself with anticipation!

Juggling

I'm used to juggling. I think anyone who has spent much time in school has probably gotten quite good at juggling. There's school (of course) but usually there's also work and all the responsibilities of home as well. I know that doesn't sound like all that much, but the problem with school is that you're never "off" at the end of the day. There's always some paper to write or some exam to study for. There's always SOMETHING looming in the back of your head that you SHOULD BE DOING!!

Going back to work/school "part-time" (36+ hours a week) has been a challenge, but do-able, and very rewarding in its own ways. Very soon, however, (December 3rd) I am expected to be back to work five days a week, 60+ hours, on top of the various homework assignments, papers, and exams that are still required of me, and quite frankly I don't want to do it. It's not that I don't feel capable of juggling...I'm quite confident in my ability to push myself and keep all the balls in the air...it's just that I have no desire to make the sacrifices that are required to keep them there.

I've worked very hard to be where I am, and I'm very grateful for the opportunities I've earned because of that, but right now I just want to savor Sofie's baby-hood. It's such a sweet time, and in the grand scheme of things it goes by so quickly. I can't get it back and there are no do-overs. I feel like women have a weighty decision to make...what do we choose to allow to take priority in our lives? Career or family? I believe that we can enjoy them both, but ultimately one has to be more important than the other. One has to guide and shape the direction of the other. I feel like it's time for me to make that decision, and I know that while I may regret never reaching the top of my field, I would, without a doubt, regret not feeling "present" for my family. I'm not sure what that means, in tangible ways, for the near future. I do know that it is so deeply difficult to let go of the level of expectations I've held for myself for such a long time. It is painful to feel like I'm failing at something I've worked so hard for, and it is so incredibly intimidating to need to express to someone who has very likely compromised their own family for their career successes, that I need to make the exact opposite decision for myself.

And so, Internet, please gather up your happy thoughts and send them my way in these next few weeks. I know that the most important decisions are often the hardest ones to make, but they always seem just a little easier when you know that your friends and family believe in you and know that you are doing the right thing...

...and now, what you all really come here for, pictures of the Scrunchy Bunchy Munchkin!

Observe the "Queen of the Bed" behavior, and the incredible daddy-likeness.

Irresistable cuteness.

She's been hatching a lot of diabolical plans lately!

Halloween Fashion Show!

Begin with your basic orange FuzziBunz...

Add one Daddy's Lil' Ghoul Halloween onesie with starry Baby Legs...

Don't forget your "My First Halloween" bib...


Go for the gusto with your Ohio State cheerleader's uniform!
(Thanks Grampy Dan!)


Or just fall back on your old staple...the worm!

Happy Halloween everyone!

Nablopomo?

Anyone know who jumps out of the computer and punches me in the face if I do not, in fact, post a blog everyday? Just wondering...

In other news (Ok, you got me, that wasn't news at all. I'm too lazy to think of a good segue...)

This little pumpkin is not so little anymore.

Say hello to 12 pounds. Oy!

Two Months

My Sofie-bean, you are two months old today. Right now you are sleeping soundly on my chest. You fell asleep while we slow danced to some ancient Cranberries songs, and the sweetness of the moment made me tear up. You’ve made my life so vibrant!

Somewhere around six weeks you suddenly morphed from a slightly needy, often cranky infant into such a pleasant, happy little imp. You are talking up a storm, especially after your bath each night. You hold fifteen minute chats with us, and your eyes light up like Christmas trees. I know we’re going to have some fantastic conversations some day! Your smiles and coos make us giggle like children, and I’m just so excited to see what you’ll come up with next.

About a week ago your daddy was cutting your fingernails while you nursed, and he accidentally cut your thumb with the clippers. You screamed like we’ve never heard you scream before, and I’ve never seen Ben look so heartbroken. Something about that moment kicked him into super-daddy mode, and he has been your number one fan ever since. I am eating up seeing him so delighted in you.

Now that I think we’re beyond the threat, I’ll tell you that nursing has come within an inch of ending probably four times or so over the last two months. It hasn’t been a treat for me at all. In the beginning you wanted to nurse constantly and it was very limiting physically. To the point that I felt like a bit of an invalid, constantly asking people to fetch things for me. It was also painful…I’m still working on clearing up the last bits of a yeast infection (I didn’t even know you could get those in your boob!). Now, returning to work, it’s challenging in a different sort of way. Finding a comfortable place and the time to pump is such a pain. I sit and write reports to try to catch up…to feel like I’m pulling my weight. It makes me feel rushed and agitated all day long, and even though everyone has been overly accommodating I still feel some resentment/disgust in the air. Keeping up with the amount of milk you demand while I’m away is also a bit of a challenge. I’ve been doing ok so far, but it’s something I’m always just a little worried about. The point behind all this complaining is to tell you that I’m so glad I didn’t quit. There’s nothing like coming home after a long day of work and having you snuggle up with me to nurse. It’s such a wonderful deep breath at the end of my day. Sometimes when you’re finished, you hang out a little while longer, squirming and goofing around. When I’ve had enough I pull you away, and you make the most pathetic squeak and your pouty-lip face. I must be an awful, mean mama, because it makes me crack up every time!

Returning to work has been difficult. I feel stretched beyond what I can handle gracefully. I feel like I’m making silly mistakes I wouldn’t normally make, and I’m not nearly as patient with you as I wish I could be. I’ve grown slightly numb to the clutter that is piling up around the house (thank goodness for grandma, who at least keeps things clean!) and I have a mad case of mama-guilt. I want to be so perfect for you. I don’t want you ever to remember a time when I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, or a time that I snapped at you for something silly. At the same time, I’ve never felt so fulfilled. It’s a wonderful thing to have the luxury to pursue a career that leaves you feeling spent, but happy at the end of the day. And coming home to you…what more could I possibly ask for?

My scrunchy munchkin, mama loves you more than she ever thought it was possible to love someone. Thank you for lighting up my life!

Our Little Pumpkin Head

The weekend before I headed back to work we took a trip out to Mapleside Farms to pick out a pumpkin...

It had been sitting lonesome-ly in our kitchen for a couple of weeks, terribly neglected with all the frenzy of getting used to a new routine, until tonight...

Please don't report us to Children's Services!

Chewbacca Daddy

What?

What's that you say?

You want to see more Sofie smiles you say?

Oh! Well, no problem, we've got plenty...

Back to Work

Headed back to work this morning. Anyone know of a good cure for a broken heart?

Good Morning Happy Girl

Ten pounds and ten ounces at six weeks old, and mama has lost 29 of the 49 I gained! The past couple of weeks have been full. I've been running around like a mad-woman trying to prepare myself to head back to work next week. Three weeks ago, the mere thought of returning to work sent me into hysterical crying, but as the time has passed I've begun to feel more ready. There will never be anything more important to me than you, Sofie, and you need to understand that going to work, finishing school, it's something that I have to do for you right now.

You are growing so fast. These days you'll rest your head on my shoulder if you're especially tired, and I just love the way your fuzzy hair feels in the crook of my neck. You are full of grunts and squeals, and now coos are emerging and you are so proud of yourself each time you "talk" to us and we talk back. Your smiles are ridiculously adorable, and we love them so much that we've even identified the face that you make when you're getting ready to give us smiles. You smile with your whole face, with your mouth open and your eyes scrunched and twinkling. Every once in awhile you'll even throw in a wink. Mama loves the winks.

I try so hard to remember you...ingrain your face in my mind. You've been sleeping well in your swing for awhile now, but sometimes in the wee hours of the morning when you wake up to eat I'm sleepy and I fall asleep nursing you. It's always so wonderful to wake up with your little body lying next to me, all sprawled out, queen of the bed. I stare at your face and note the tiny veins on your eyelids and the curve of your little chin. I love every little bit of you, even your crusty morning milk mustache. You've changed my life and brought me so much joy in just six short weeks. I can't even imagine how much you'll continue to affect my life well into the future. What a lucky mama I am!

One Month

Sofie Claire, you have officially completed one month of life. There have been so many times this month that I've thought, "I need to write a blog about that!" but I haven't had time to keep up with my thoughts as well as I intended to. I'm a little bit sad about that.

This has been an incredible month for us...possibly the most difficult month of your life, full of experiences and visitors, lots of trials and lots of errors. When I think back to those first few days I can't believe how much you've already changed. I don't even know where to begin!

In the beginning you nursed constantly and lazily. It was common for it to take an entire hour to complete a nursing session, and you'd be ready to eat again half an hour later. I had a hard time keeping up, both physically and emotionally. It's quite an adjustment getting used to having a warm body attached to you twenty-four hours a day, and I was constantly commenting on how hot I felt, and how sweaty and gross I was. I've never enjoyed a shower as much as I have this past month! You didn't sleep well, not surprising, most newborns don't. I was happy to get a four hour stretch of uninterrupted sleep, and even then you wouldn't sleep at all unless you were physically contacting one of us, and that meant that any sleep I did get was only half sleep, since I was constantly aware of you. I didn't really know you, Sofie, we had only just met, and it was fun and exciting to finally be introduced to you, to learn your facial expressions, discover your routine and to fall in love with you in a new sort of way, this parent type love that I'd never experienced before. What a rollercoaster! More than once I found myself sobbing uncontrollably, and it felt so good to just let go. It was one of those amazing things your hormones does for you in those early days to help you digest the shock of being someone's mama.

Now, Sofie, you don't seem like a newborn anymore. One day I was giving you a bath and I couldn't believe how big you seemed. At your four week appointment you weighed 9 lbs. 9 ounces, an entire pound more than you did when we brought you home from the hospital, and were 22 inches long. You are growing like a weed, and you are strong. You hold your head up and look around, you kick your legs and wave your arms, and the pediatrician called you, "chatty." Oh boy! You give us the most adorable smiles, but you are discriminating, you wouldn't want us to think that we are too entertaining now would you? We know your facial expressions and your cry, and we're getting used to this whole parent thing. You're getting easier to handle. You nurse less frequently, and you sleep on your own now. The past two nights you've spoiled us completely by sleeping 6 hour stretches before I woke you up because I needed to nurse! You won't even sleep snuggled up on my chest anymore when I want you to, and that is what I'm learning, Sofe, that this parenting business is bittersweet. I'm thrilled with every new skill you develop and I'm so excited to see you grow and learn and become the little person that you will be, but with every milestone there is this sorrow like I am mourning the loss of who you were, that sweet tiny newborn snuggled up for a mid-morning nap is gone now, and I will only visit her in my memories.

No matter what Sofe, I will love you. I will always love you.

Photo Overload!

Wide awake!

One of our first glimpses of a sleepy, contented smile.

Sofie's favorite place to hang, bless the swing!

Concentration...check out that tongue action.

Cousins!

And here are Sofie's 10-day portraits...better late than never!

I used to hold her like this when I burped her, and she would fall asleep and her arms would dangle listlessly, her head would flop over, and her chub chub cheeks were overwhelmingly cute. Not quite what I was going for here...but it will help me remember!

Ben's favorite.
And believe it or not, this one is my favorite!

The Crew at the Zoo!

Places I've Nursed Sofie:

The hospital
Home
The JC Penney portrait studio
The mall
A picnic
Macaroni Grill
The library

Places I intend to nurse Sofie in the near future:

The Johnny Appleseed Festival
Grannie Gracie's
The zoo
The Wayne County Fair

Nursing has been difficult for us, and I'd be lying if I said that I haven't considered quitting more than once. When I think back to those first days, though, we've made so much progress. It's starting to feel much more natural, and I'm getting used to constantly having a little critter attached at the nip. It almost doesn't hurt at all anymore, and Sofie is starting to seem much more satisfied than she did in those early early days. Now I just have to tackle pumping!

If you're feeling picture-starved, hang in there. I wasn't too impressed with the pictures our digital camera was taking so I went back to using the 35 mm. I need to take it in and get some film developed. We also have some 10 day portraits coming back from Penney's on the 21st that I'll scan in!

Body Image

It's been a little over two weeks since Sofie arrived and my body is no closer to being my own than it was when I griped about it at 31 weeks pregnant.

My boobs are swollen and almost always lopsided, my belly is more jiggly than it has ever been, my belly button seems stretched and cavernous and none of my old clothes (heck, even some of my early maternity clothes) fit yet.

Somehow, although I'm not pleased with my body's current state and I will be happy to shed the rest of the baby weight (-24/49!), I have a new respect for my body and in ways it is more beautiful to me now than it has ever been before. This body grew a perfect little being from nothingness to something grand. It is completely responsible for nourishing her every day. Its extra cushioning is just right for her littleness to snuggle down into and fall asleep so peacefully. There is just something so wonderful about a mother's body!

So Cute

Sofie's first pediatrician appointment was Tuesday morning and I forgot to put the memory card back in the camera (whoops!). She's doing super and weighed in at 8 pounds 9 ounces; 1 ounce heavier than her discharge weight. She also measured in at 21 inches. I'm sure she didn't actually grow an inch; I think they just did a better job of taking an accurate measurement at the doctor appointment. Anyway, since I don't have any pediatrician pictures for you, here are a couple of irresistably cute ones in their place!

Also, I finished my labor story, but for some reason it got published before some of these more recent posts, probably because I started writing it so long ago! If you're interested in reading it, it is in the August posts, titled Labor.

We Miss Auntie Heidi!

Sofie's honorary Auntie Heidi was here helping out for the weekend. We had loads of fun, and here's how Sofie feels about Heidi leaving today:


Thank you Auntie Heidi for the baths, the snuggles, and for singing me to sleep. Thank you for taking me on my first trip to the mall and for helping my mama with chores. Most of all thanks for loving me...we love you too!

Our Little Sweetpea

We are home and doing great, but things, as I'm sure you can imagine, are crazy around here! There are so many things that I want to write about, to preserve the memories that are already seeming to fade so fast. I have several posts half begun and waiting in the wings, and even if they seem out of order, I'll be sure to post them as I finish them up. Until then, here are some pictures to keep you satiated.

We are madly in love with this little worm!

Leaving the hospital in her worm outfit (can you see it peeking through the straps?) This was the first outfit we bought for Sofie, before we knew she was a little girl and she was still just our little worm!

Papa loves his little girl!

Snuggle bug.

Grandpa hair!

The calm after the bath.

Fresh, clean, and all dolled up.

Sweet baby Sofie!