Juggling

I'm used to juggling. I think anyone who has spent much time in school has probably gotten quite good at juggling. There's school (of course) but usually there's also work and all the responsibilities of home as well. I know that doesn't sound like all that much, but the problem with school is that you're never "off" at the end of the day. There's always some paper to write or some exam to study for. There's always SOMETHING looming in the back of your head that you SHOULD BE DOING!!

Going back to work/school "part-time" (36+ hours a week) has been a challenge, but do-able, and very rewarding in its own ways. Very soon, however, (December 3rd) I am expected to be back to work five days a week, 60+ hours, on top of the various homework assignments, papers, and exams that are still required of me, and quite frankly I don't want to do it. It's not that I don't feel capable of juggling...I'm quite confident in my ability to push myself and keep all the balls in the air...it's just that I have no desire to make the sacrifices that are required to keep them there.

I've worked very hard to be where I am, and I'm very grateful for the opportunities I've earned because of that, but right now I just want to savor Sofie's baby-hood. It's such a sweet time, and in the grand scheme of things it goes by so quickly. I can't get it back and there are no do-overs. I feel like women have a weighty decision to make...what do we choose to allow to take priority in our lives? Career or family? I believe that we can enjoy them both, but ultimately one has to be more important than the other. One has to guide and shape the direction of the other. I feel like it's time for me to make that decision, and I know that while I may regret never reaching the top of my field, I would, without a doubt, regret not feeling "present" for my family. I'm not sure what that means, in tangible ways, for the near future. I do know that it is so deeply difficult to let go of the level of expectations I've held for myself for such a long time. It is painful to feel like I'm failing at something I've worked so hard for, and it is so incredibly intimidating to need to express to someone who has very likely compromised their own family for their career successes, that I need to make the exact opposite decision for myself.

And so, Internet, please gather up your happy thoughts and send them my way in these next few weeks. I know that the most important decisions are often the hardest ones to make, but they always seem just a little easier when you know that your friends and family believe in you and know that you are doing the right thing...

...and now, what you all really come here for, pictures of the Scrunchy Bunchy Munchkin!

Observe the "Queen of the Bed" behavior, and the incredible daddy-likeness.

Irresistable cuteness.

She's been hatching a lot of diabolical plans lately!