Crossroads

So, after an eventful weekend out of town with my good friend Heidi, which you can read about here (and incidentally the only pictures I took were of Worm and the PJ dog, Willow!) I think I have finally made some decisions about my plans for the near future that I feel peaceful about. It has always been much too easy for me to become caught up in everyone else's expectations of me and unfortunately I often allow the expectations of others to cloud and distort my own. Some time away from my everyday environment, spent with solid old friends who remind me that my worth is not measured by the number of abbreviations that follow my name, was exactly what I needed.

I have been wrestling quite mightily between my strong desire to be a stay-at-home mama and the sense of obligation I feel towards my profession. The former is fueled heavily by the fulfillment I've experienced over the past few weeks and the sinking feeling that has come with the realization of just how numb I allowed myself to become in order to get through the past ten months. Along with the latter comes the fear that choosing not to pursue a career right away might seriously hinder my ability to pursue one down the road. Additional factors to weigh include the fact that realistically Ben's salary is not quite enough to responsibly make ends meet long-term and the expectation that we will be making a big move in the near future.

After much contemplation I've decided that the knots that I'm satisfied will tie these loose ends together include the following:

• The clinic has graciously agreed to allow me to continue to gain experience in the subspecialty that I am passionate about pursuing, cochlear implants, on Mondays. This will allow me to keep my skills fresh and up-to-date.
• Rather than seeking short term employment here I will concentrate on networking in Colorado over the next six months to hopefully find a position that I feel good about accepting. (Part-time working with cochlear implants in some capacity.) We will plan to move around January. (This will allow Ben to complete a year in his current position.)
• For the next six months I will stay home with Sofia Tuesday through Sunday. Yay!!

I can't begin to describe how relieved I feel to have made some decisions that resonate for me and I am ridiculously excited about the blessings and the challenges I expect to encounter in the next six months!