The spring-like weather has arrived. Surely it will only stick around a few days before life goes back to dreary grey and cold for another month, but while it lasts it's making me think...
...that I'm coming to the end of my last childless winter.
...that I'm welcoming my last childless springtime.
...that in less than a week Ben and I will be leaving for our last childless vacation.
And somehow I feel so far from ready for that.
Yesterday I mentioned to Ben that I'm feeling overwhelmed, that I'm wishing I could have more time to prepare myself mentally for this giant change. Then I was silent for a moment and remarked, "Oh well, it's too late now!" I grinned the thoughts away.
But...
Maybe for the first time in my life I don't have any sense of control to grasp onto. I can't slow this down until I'm ready for it. I can't take it back and wait for a more opportune time. And I think perhaps having children in your life brings more and more of that lack of control. They are little individuals with their own minds and they just keep on growing up even when you're not ready. Maybe it's a lesson that I've been late in learning; that life cannot be controlled. Maybe I just need to breathe deep and let the changes come uninhibited. I need to smile at the beautiful parts and tromp through the anxieties. It certainly feels like a journey, and I want to believe that it's a journey that is so worth making.
Awww... this was a great post!! I've had all of the same thoughts... don't get me wrong, I am super excited to meet this amazing little person that Chad and I made, that is growing inside of me, but it sure is scary to think of how much she's going to (and already has) change our lives forever!! Thanks for helping me feel like a normal expecting mom!!
ReplyDeleteAhh....you are having the same feelings that every expectant moms have. I felt the same way. I can't explain it, but you will be fine and when the little one comes, then you will understand how awesome it is!
ReplyDeleteI think its totally normal to be excited and scared about something that is both exciting and scary. But also, it won't actually be your last childless vacation...when Worm is all grown, you guys can travel all over the world!
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