First Trimester Nightmare

Ok...I don't mean to be a whiny, complainy, pregnant lady and I'll try to keep the whining and complaining to a bare minimum, but today I need to vent. For years I have admired pregnant ladies. There's something fascinating about the idea of a tiny person growing inside of someone's belly. INSIDE people...it's madness. Somehow in all of my admiration I missed the whole concept that it's actually not all that easy or fun growing people in your belly. In actuality, it kind of sucks. I had delusions of happiness and glowing and sugar coated fairies. It seems that it's slightly taboo to mention that there is plenty of misery involved. So...for those of you out there who are as naive as I once was, let me educate you a bit. Following is a list of things that really suck suck suck about being pregnant.

• Nausea: Dear God the nausea. It's awful. It is not fun to walk around all day feeling like BLEH. It is especially not fun to walk around all day feeling like BLEH while trying not to mention the fact that you are pregnant to people. Furthermore, "supportive" family and friends quickly tire of hearing about how awful you feel, and can you really blame them? But, oh dear God the nausea.

• The Sleepiness: Sleepiness is not even an accurate descriptor really. It's more like there are heavy things tied to all of your parts, eyelids included. Has a way of making the day really drag. Combine it with the nausea, and you can imagine that pregnant ladies are a real drag to hang around.

• Boobs: Ow. And might I add that it's particularly reassuring when, during an early morning snuggle session, your husband remarks that...hm...that one seems bigger than this one. Apparently no one sends any messages to the milk-maker cells that it would be particularly nice if they could make the same amount on each side.

• Jekyll and Hyde: By this I am referring to the general insanity that is the pregnant woman's emotional status. I have had a couple of meltdowns that could rival a three year old's temper tantrum. It's like a strange demon has decided to take residence and pop out his nasty little head at the most unpredictable and inopportune times. Also, I've become a world-class worrier. Not that I didn't do my fair share of worrying before, but this, my friends, is a steroid induced version.

• Unsolicited Advice: Why is it that everyone thinks they've got the inside scoop on the best stuff, the best choices and the best tactics? It kills me. People will trip over each other to be "helpful" to the pregnant lady. I find it disruptive and annoying. And frankly, I don't care if you love the name Dilbert. Please don't groan when I mention a name that I like. It's not YOUR kid!!!!

• Gaining Weight: Apparently your cute little pregnant belly doesn't begin to really take shape until you're sneaking up on five months pregnant. Until then you just get increasingly uncomfortable in your pants and struggle to maintain that you are not getting fat you are manufacturing a child, even though it appears as though you went overboard on the turkey this Christmas.

Phew. I feel better. I promise to be perky, glowing and sugar-coated from here on out!